He gave money away because he could not stop giving money away, which was not the same as being generous and was not the same as being philanthropic and was not the same as any of the things that the press said about him when they wrote about the donations he made, which were large and frequent and which were described, in the press, with words like transformational and unprecedented and visionary, and which were none of those things, because those things implied intention, and the intention was not what drove him, and what drove him was the specific discomfort of having more money than he could spend, which was a discomfort that he had not expected to feel and that he did not know how to manage and that he managed, in the only way he knew how, which was by giving the money away, to whoever asked, in whatever amount was asked for, and which the asking was what he waited for, and which the waiting was what his life was, and which the life was the philanthropy, and which the philanthropy was what he could not stop, and which the not stopping was what the press wrote about, and which the writing was what made him famous, and which the fame was what he had not wanted, and which the not wanting was what made the philanthropy complicated, because the philanthropy was the only thing he had found that made the discomfort bearable, and which the bearable was what he needed, and which the need was what drove him, and which the driving was what he could not stop, and which the not stopping was what he was doing, when he gave the forty million to the museum, and the thirty million to the university, and the twenty million to the hospital, and the fifteen million to the arts foundation, and the amounts were large, and the large was what the press wrote about, and which the writing was what made the giving harder, because the harder was what happened when the giving became public, and when the public was watching, and when the watching was what he could not escape, and which the escaping was what he wanted, and what he could not have, because the philanthropy was the only thing that made the discomfort bearable, and which the bearable was what he needed, and which the needing was what drove him, and which the driving was what he could not stop.

The discomfort was not about the money. The money was just money. The discomfort was about the knowing, which was the specific knowledge that he had more than he needed, and which the more than he needed was what the money was, and which the money was what he had too much of, and which the too much was what he could not stop thinking about, in the nights, in the mornings, in the meetings, in the walks, in the every moment when he was not actively giving money away, and which the not actively giving was what the discomfort occupied, and which the occupying was what the discomfort did, and which the doing was what he could not stop, and which the not stopping was the condition, and the condition was that he had too much money, and that the too much was unbearable, and that the unbearable was what the giving was for, and which the for was what the giving addressed, temporarily, and which the temporarily was the problem, because the relief was temporary, and the relief was what he needed more of, and which the needing was what drove him to give more, and which the more was what the press wrote about, and which the writing was what made the relief harder to find, because the harder was what happened when the public was watching his giving, and when the watching was what made the giving feel like performance, and which the performance was what he did not want, and which the not wanting was what made the philanthropy complicated, and which the complicated was what he lived in, and which the living was what he did, and which the doing was the giving, and the giving was what he could not stop.

He tried to stop, once. He went three months without giving anything to anyone, and the three months were the worst three months of his adult life, and the worst was what the discomfort became, when it was not being managed by the giving, and which the not being managed was what the discomfort did, when it was left alone, and which the left alone was what he had tried, and which the trying was what he regretted, because the regret was what the three months produced, and which the producing was what the discomfort did, when it was not given what it needed, and which the needed was what the giving provided, and which the providing was what he went back to, after the three months, and which the going back was what he did, and which the doing was what he could not stop, and which the not stopping was what the press wrote about, and which the writing was the problem now, because the writing was what made the giving public, and which the public was what made the giving feel like performance, and which the performance was what he did not want, and which the not wanting was what the complication was, and which the complication was what he lived in, and which the living was what he did, and which the doing was the giving, and the giving was what he could not stop, and which the not stopping was the condition, and the condition was that he had too much money, and that the too much was unbearable, and that the unbearable was what the giving was for, and which the for was what the giving addressed, temporarily, and which the temporarily was the relief, and the relief was what he needed, and which the needing was what drove him to give more, and which the more was what the press wrote about, and which the writing was what made the relief harder to find, because the harder was what happened when the public was watching his giving, and when the watching was what made the giving feel like performance, and which the performance was what he did not want, and which the not wanting was what made the philanthropy complicated, and which the complicated was what he lived in, and which the living was what he did, and which the doing was the giving, and the giving was what he could not stop, and which the not stopping was the condition, and the condition was that he had too much money, and that the too much was unbearable, and that the unbearable was what the giving was for, and which the for was what the giving addressed, temporarily, and which the temporarily was the relief, and the relief was what he needed, and which the needing was what drove him to give more, and which the more was what the press wrote about, and which the writing was the problem now, because the writing was what made the giving public, and which the public was what made the giving feel like performance, and which the performance was what he did not want, and which the not wanting was what the complication was, and which the complication was what he lived in, and which the living was what he did, and which the doing was the giving, and the giving was what he could not stop.

The museum called, in the end, and asked for the forty million, and he gave it, because the giving was what he could not stop, and which the not stopping was what the press wrote about, and which the writing was the problem now, because the writing was what made the giving public, and which the public was what made the giving feel like performance, and which the performance was what he did not want, and which the not wanting was what the complication was, and which the complication was what he lived in, and which the living was what he did, and which the doing was the giving, and the giving was what he could not stop, and which the not stopping was the condition, and the condition was that he had too much money, and that the too much was unbearable, and that the unbearable was what the giving was for, and which the for was what the giving addressed, temporarily, and which the temporarily was the relief, and the relief was what he needed, and which the needing was what drove him to give more, and which the more was what the press wrote about, and which the writing was the problem now, because the writing was what made the giving public, and which the public was what made the giving feel like performance, and which the performance was what he did not want, and which the not wanting was what the complication was, and which the complication was what he lived in, and which the living was what he did, and which the doing was the giving, and the giving was what he could not stop, and which the not stopping was the condition, and the condition was that he had too much money, and that the too much was unbearable, and that the unbearable was what the giving was for, and which the for was what the giving addressed, temporarily, and which the temporarily was the relief, and the relief was what he needed, and which the needing was what drove him to give more, and which the more was what the press wrote about, and which the writing was the problem now, because the writing was what made the giving public, and which the public was what made the giving feel like performance, and which the performance was what he did not want, and which the not wanting was what the complication was, and which the complication was what he lived in, and which the living was what he did, and which the doing was the giving, and the giving was what he could not stop.

And he gave, because the giving was what he could not stop, and which the not stopping was what the press wrote about, and which the writing was the problem now, because the writing was what made the giving public, and which the public was what made the giving feel like performance, and which the performance was what he did not want, and which the not wanting was what the complication was, and which the complication was what he lived in, and which the living was what he did, and which the doing was the giving, and the giving was what he could not stop.